TEETH
You know what would've been cool? TEETH, if it had been directed by some kind of weird genetically fused director monster. A combination Cronenberg/Fulchi/Alex De Renzy. That would've been something. But this TEETH was directed by Mitchell Lichtenstein, the latest cinematic hero to the "I hate Men and cocks" crowd. Maybe they should sandwich it in between "Xena" marathons.
It's a pretty simple story. Dawn is saving her virginity until marriage by taking some kind of oath. While getting raped by her sort of boyfriend, her pussy bites his dick off. It turns out her pussy has shark -like teeth in it for some reason. I suppose the main reason being that's it's necessary for the director to use as a metaphor for sexuality and all kinds of other stuff I don't really care about. Budding womanhood, men's treatment of women, chastity, blah, blah, blah. Basically all the stuff that gets in the way of a perfectly sleazy movie idea but lets everybody think it's some sort of interesting social commentary. It's not that far from being in the CLUELESS universe in some ways , as it has moments of teen comedy. Outside of the several money shots of ripped off cocks and fingers it's not really an exploitation film but instead tries to be more of a character study. It really needed a sick director with a skewed visual sense, you know, an Italian. There's just too much laying on of mythology about men's fear of sex and so on with clips from THE BLACK SCORPION and THE GORGON in there to reinforce the point. At one point it's pointed out that Dawn's brother prefers ass fucking because when he was a boy he stuck his finger in Dawn's pussy and she bit him. So there you have the success of many a porno label explained: guys like fucking women in the ass because they are scared of pussies with shark teeth. It's also a movie where if the roles were reversed and all the women were horrible people who deserved mutilation, you'd never hear the end of the bitching about misogyny. Of the three cocks ripped off, one is a rapist, and two are just kind of assholes. I would argue that the guy who she enjoyed having sex with didn't deserve having his cock bit off. The doctor was sleazy but I'm not sure he deserved his four missing digits. How the hell did he get four fingers up there anyway? Seems unlikely. Anyway, my point is Dawn is no hero vigilante out there castrating rapists, she's more a psycho with a grudge.
They never explain why she has the teeth but a nuclear plant is prominently featured in the background. It actually resembles Springfield from "The Simpson's". We also never see a shot of the toothy pussy which is a shame. They could of at least done an interior while she's at the gynecologist. We do see a tooth and it resembles a shark, which is cool but not enough. I suppose it's funny enough and the cock biting does provide some hilarity. Jess Weixler as Dawn is quite good. It's funnier if you imagine the guys to all be members of The Jonas Brothers, at least to me.