IRON MAN
I know what you're thinking, "Bwana, why review IRON MAN? It's already been hailed as the best thing ever. Robert Downey Jr. Is wonderful! He really nails Tony Stark! Favreau is a god!" And so on. Really? How about it was okay? Is that good enough for you because that's what it was. Favreau managed to lock up the nerd goodwill on this one since forever ago. I can't remember a comic book flick having all this pre-release good buzz ever. All the trips to the comic cons and sucking up to the Knowles paid off . But is it really that great? What really happens in it? It's not one of those comic book movies that has cool set pieces that you wanna see again. It doesn't really have a memorable villain. For some reason there is a lot of love for Downey, but why? He was pretty good in ZODIAC. Before that I saw him crying in front of a judge about his addictions. Anyway, I liked the suit and the flying scenes were pretty good although a lot of it felt like THE ROCKETEER. I could've done without the comic relief SHORT CIRCUIT robots. I liked the movie more before he returned home because I can't really point to anything after that and say "that was pretty cool. Downey has all the physical presence of Paul Williams and really looked dainty and elfish next to big old bald Bridges. Not exactly what I think of as Tony Stark. Isn't Stark basically Bruce Wayne with a mustache, a drinking problem and more stuff? On a completely unrelated note, I really like drunk Tony Stark from Twisted Toyfare Theater. Really. You should check it out if you've never seen it. So Downey sort of mumbles and mugs his way through the movie. I don't know if people are just happy he showed up or wasn't arrested but everybody seems to love him and his secretary Pepper played by Gwyneth fucking Paltrow for some reason. So instead of some action we get character moments between these two so girls that were drug to the movie by their boyfriends will have something to talk about. That's what I want in my IRON MAN movie, time spent on "sexual tension" between Robert Downey Jr. And Gwyneth fucking Paltrow. I wouldn't want to see Iron Man fight Fin Fang Foom, who is a giant dragon that wears shorts, when I could see Gwyneth fucking Paltrow give Tony Stark a present she had made of his artificial heart that also serves as a visual metaphor that some asshole thought was clever. Not me. Who wants to see Iron Man fight M.O.D.O.K., A giant head in a floating chair that shoots lasers when I can see Robert Downey Jr. And Gwyneth fucking Paltrow dance at a party AND see the god awfully tiring Stan Lee cameo. So instead of mining the comic book's forty year plus history for a villain or a plot they create a new one with Jeff Bridges as a evil corporate guy. I'm not giving anything away there, if you didn't guess this you're an idiot. What makes Bridges evil is he wants the company to make more money. That's it! So, it's come to that. No immortal Chinese sorcerer, no dragon in pants, hell, not even a Grey Gargoyle. Just a guy who wants the company to be more successful. And he has a stupid name-Obidiah Stone. Why not Slab Darkington? Or Dr. Greed Anycost?
But it is a thoroughly watchable movie with a good marketing campaign. I think it helps that average Joe really knows nothing of Iron Man so there's a lot of latitude to mess around. It's amusing in parts and despite not having much action it's not too boring. I suppose the one moment where Iron Man goes back to Afghanistan is the closest it gets to cool comic book mayhem even though it's pretty much lifted from ROBOCOP. It's okay.
