The Easter 2008 Special!
NIGHT OF THE LEPUS
Nothing says Easter like bunnies so lets get hopping with the 1972 eco-terror of NIGHT OF THE LEPUS, which is course based on the novel "The Year of the Angry Rabbit" by Russell Braddon. I'm telling you, the American southwest was pretty dangerous in the seventies, what with the Devil's rain, spider kingdoms, devil racing, West World and finally giant rabbits. This time around it's not pollution that causes nature's wrath but an actual attempt to control the rabbit population without poison. It opens with newsreel footage of a rabbit roundup in Australia as a narrator fills us in on the fact that rabbits are a pain in the ass. Rancher Rory Calhoun is plagued by rabbits so he calls his buddy at the university, played by DeForest Kelly, hoping for a solution that doesn't involve poisoning the rabbits and everything else. Kelly puts him in touch with a scientist couple played by Stuart Whitman and Janet Leigh who start an experiment with rabbit hormones. Their experimental bunny escapes and almost overnight causes the giant rabbit explosion. The plot then follows the same path as the fifties giant ant classic THEM! for a while before coming to a conclusion that involves electrified train tracks, the National Guard and a willing drive in audience. Since nobody in the audience knew what the hell a lepus was, they explain that it's Latin for rabbit pretty early on. The rabbits gnaw a few people to death here and there and for the most part everybody seems to have no trouble buying the fact that there are giants rabbits killing people. The cast plays it straight and for that they deserve credit because not everybody could deliver lines about the killer rabbits that are coming down the road with a straight face. Despite the ridiculousness of the plot, it doesn't seem to be meant as anything other than a monster movie in line with the giant animal pictures that had come before it. Director William Claxton was a TV western veteran and does a competent job here with the miniatures, live rabbits, men in rabbit suits and other effects. He does manage to make the rabbits look particularly disgusting in extreme close-ups that reveal their nasty rabbit teeth. But there's only so much you can do and for the most part it's just rabbits hoping on a miniaturized set. One life sized puppet, complete with oozing sores and bloody drool would've gone a long way. The guy in rabbit suit shots are very quick and usually dark, so you never see enough to laugh at. As much as you wonder why they made this thing, it is extremely watchable if nothing else than for curiosity's sake and for being unique. For reasons only known to the brother-sister Wachowski team and Oliver Stone, both have used footage from LEPUS in THE MATRIX and NATURAL BORN KILLERS and for those who even know such a thing exists, it does have its fans. I'd pay money to see an Oliver Stone remake, like say, eight dollars.
KOTTENTAIL
Do you have a video camera? Know a guy who's read a lot of Fangoria and wants to be the next Savini? And lastly, do you know some chicks who will show their tits in your crappy movie? Yes, than you too can make KOTTENTAIL. I suppose it's unfair to review a movie like Kottentail as if it were a professional movie so I'm gonna consider it an amateur backyard production. I really can't imagine than more than a hundred bucks going into this thing. Maybe a hundred, depending on how much driving they did. An experimental rabbit escapes and bites a farmer named Hans Kottentail, causing him to turn into a man-rabbit monster. He kills a few people here and there and then is pursued by some chicks who wear bunny costumes. Yeah I know it sounds cool but there is just too much missing, even for such a low expectation affair. It's directed by a guy named Tony Urban and shot on video. For some reason, Urban sets it up with a comic book effect complete with comic book page transitions that are annoying. He does the right thing by having some tits in it but they are shot poorly and he doesn't really exploit the scenes at all. Boy needs to watch some Russ Meyer or something. One of the leads is Playboy's Bridget Marquardt currently seen on THE GIRLS NEXT DOOR. She strips down to her bra and panties but does no nudity. She also is executive producer. For one nude scene, it looks like he used a magazine shot of some tits for a body double. The girl opens her shirt, he cuts away, and inserts a magazine picture. Which is weird because she takes her shirt off for real later. There's a sorority spanking scene where he drops the ball again. As with the sex or nude scenes he just doesn't make the right shots or enough shots. The violence could've been shot to be a lot gorier and funnier. The sound seems to be done with the camera mic so anything outside has wind noise. The rabbit mask is fine for this picture but also could've been shot better. The acting is awful but that's to be expected as I doubt anybody got paid. The actual experimental rabbit is a stuffed toy which is fine. For some guys goofing around, probably high, I suppose it's okay. Just don't expect anything near to real movie. Now to the main bunny, JESUS!
IN SEARCH OF HISTORIC JESUS
From the good folks at Sunn Classics comes IN SEARCH OF HISTORIC JESUS. Sunn had previously done other documentaries like IN SEARCH OF NOAH'S ARK and THE LINCOLN CONSPIRACY which were always goofily entertaining. Narrator Bob Crandall takes us through the early parts of the bible such as the flood before launching into Christ's life. Along the way in true pseudoscientific terms he stops to consult with various scientists and then concludes that the presented theories are all backed up. A geologist confirms there was flood, an astronomer confirms the Star of David and so on. "And therefore it's clear the bible is a valid historical document" is just one of the conclusions that is jumped to. There's the always present appeal to various authorities, such as Kepler the astronomer who allegedly believed the Star of David was an asteroid. The various footage of biblical events isn't bad and could easily be re-tooled into a peplum type feature. We get to see little Jesus who apparently went to Britain at some point before coming back to Jerusalem. God himself even appears as a talking cloud from time to time. There are reenactments of leper healing, the Lazrus deal and even a Beastmaster moment where Jesus befriends a tiger. Jesus is played by John Rubenstein and is basically the hippie Jesus, the kind that walks around a lot and says stuff about God. Whenever he heals anybody, he glows in an animated effect. I thought the guy who played Pilot was pretty good and he makes it clear that the Jews turned Jesus in. But the movie gets to it's goofiest when the shroud of Turin segment comes up, which I suspect was the main reason this thing was made, to capitalize on Turinmania. Crandall goes all the way to Scotland Yard to prove the shroud's validity. I bet you didn't know that a burst of radiation is what burned the image of Jesus into the shroud. Scotland Yard's forensics guy pointed out that the shroud was clearly placed on the body of someone who was crucified exactly as described in the bible. He even determined that the guy fell down a lot on his left knee by looking at bloodstain patterns. They never explain where the radiation came from exactly but it probably is a side effect of resurrection. See, I didn't know that. I have a soft spot for seventies documentaries about made up stuff so I liked this one but it isn't as good as IN SEARCH OF NOAH'S ARK just because it doesn't get crazy enough. For me, Bob Crandall really makes these Sunn pictures. There just something unique about his voice and persona that make all this crap fun.
