COMMAND PERFORMANCE
The mighty Dolph Lundgren pulls a Harold Hecuba on his picture, COMMAND PERFORMANCE, in which he produces, writes and directs a post-Soviet version of the Scorpions song “Winds of Change” - but with violence. Dolph plays Joe the Drummer, a character apparently based on Herman Rarebell. For one reason or another he’s now in a band called CMF and they are opening for an American 'Britney-esque' pop tart named Venus. But the bad guy whose name I can’t remember is still pissed about the U.S.S.R. changing winds thing and the fact that his dad was killed in a failed coup back then, so he’s gonna make the Russian Prez pay. The Russian President’s tween daughters are big Venus fans so they all go to the show along with the American ambassador, who’s there mainly to be killed and please international audiences who hate America. One of the daughters is played by Lundgren’s daughter. She’s nearly raped by a bad guy. So maybe her and Dolph will be the next Dario/Asia Argento. I should mention Venus is played by Melissa Smith who is pretty hot and apparently a skank of some note. She may have something to do with the fake musical group/ skank collective, the Pussycat Dolls. So Joe who really just wants to drum and get high, is plunged right in the middle of a bloodbath when the bad guys shoot up the arena and take the President and his family hostage. Sadly for the tweens this all begins as Venus is performing her hit single. Dolph escapes getting killed because he was in the can smoking a joint. He then wanders around as sort of a half-assed Casey Ryback for awhile before hooking up with a Russian Secret Service agent to kick ass. Dolph doesn’t like shooting people because his brother in L.A. was killed by a gun, but he will beat them to death with a stratocaster or stab them in the neck with a drumstick. I kept thinking that at some point the authorities on the outside were gonna have that scene where they reveal that Joe/Dolph is no ordinary drummer but is in fact their man on the inside. But no, he is just a drummer. Eventually though, after finding a wounded CMF fan, Dolph/Joe has enough and decides to shoot people again. As this is Dolph’s picture he makes sure that he gets the girl and spends a few minutes having Venus hit on him and tell him he’s hot. That’s exactly what I would’ve done. It all makes for an above average direct to dvd action picture. In case you’re wondering, the band’s name C.M.F. stands for Cheap Mother Fucker.
