BABY BLOOD
After years of existing as a fuzzy vhs tape in the pre-internet era, Alain Robak's BABY BLOOD is finally uncut and on dvd. I iamgine I first heard of it as a one line description in the Video Search of Miami catalog, probably something like "large breasted woman gets impregnated by tentacle monster". While this does happen the actual movie is not exactly what I expected or wanted. Why? I think it's the French angle. Sure it's fairly bloody and does have a monster but it's more a wacky black French comedy along the lines of BAXTER, the wacky black French dog comedy.
A nicely built but fairly stupid French circus worker has a tentacle crawl into her pussy after it explodes out of a leopard. It then grows and talks to the gap tooth chick, all the while demanding blood to feed. She feeds her "baby" the blood of various scuzzy, stupid Frenchmen. The monster baby is according to legend voiced by Gary Oldman but I don't know for sure as I have not spoken to him and if I do I will probably make fun of him for that goofy DRACULA movie he did. The monster and woman have various stupid but completely French conversations, you know the kind of shit people do in French movies. At one point he chastises her for smoking. The story continues in various vignettes till the end when he is born, most of which are intended to be comical. At various points she is covered in blood which no one pays any attention to. She even has a rugby team try to gang bang her while she is covered in various afterbirth fluids. The creature lets us know that eventually (Sixty billion years) he will replace mankind. Apparently he has been around waiting to be born since the planet was a big bowl of magma, as we see in the opening. I kept thinking that surely a lot of this shit is hilarious to the French. When we finally see the monster himself he appears as a normal human baby before becoming a squid like thing that is really nothing special, which really goes for the movie itself. I think there's a tendency for people to look at a French horror film and give it undue praise as if it were in some sort of French horror film Special Olympics. "Sure, it's fairly average but it's pretty good for France. Everybody gets a medal". Great. But in France's defense, the recent INSIDE and FRONTIERES were great. The Anchor Bay dvd looked great and upscaled nicely on my Sony PS3.